I've got a lot of shit

It's true.  I've got a lot of shit.  I've got a lot of shit because I have big plans.  Big plans I tell you!!  

I'm going to be a martial arts master.  I've got the belt, the gloves, the tape, the bag, the pads, and the timer.  I'm going to be a philosopher.  I've got Nietzsche, Sartre, Camus, Heidegger, Aristotle, and Plato.  I'm going to look like Hugh Jackman in Wolverine.  I've got random shit for pull-ups, push-ups, swimming, running, biking, kayaking, surfing, and SCUBA diving.  And I've got a full length mirror.  I'm going to be a writer.  I've got plays, screenplays, novels, short stories, children's  and how-to's stacked shoulder high.  I'm going to be a musician.  I've got a bass guitar.  (I know that is a little weak, but in my defense, it's an expensive bass guitar.)  I'm even going to be a better clinician.  I've got books on neuro, cardio, trauma, pharm, GI, babies, vaginas, exams, machines, and books on books I can't live without.

Alright!  So I'm ready to fulfill my big plans: the writing, philosophizing, rock-star anesthesiologist who can beat your ass if you weren't so paralyzed by the sight of his monster pecs.  

I'm ready....but I'm pretty sure there is a new book on the minute pharmacologic digitization of cerebral membrane proteins in the perioperative period.  Can't be an anesthesiologist without it.  Of course, there is also the handheld Swedish sure-grip ab builder and a 2-week camp on the Tao of fucking some fools up.  Can't forget the neon green dive computer for existential treasure hunters (the treasure, in the end, is meaningless) nor the guitar hero heavy bag that you pound to the beats of Jay-Z.

I'm piling shit upon shit in preparation for my future self.  I'm building an anti-existentialist bomb shelter: when meaningless overtakes us,  I've got enough crap to pretend I have purpose for years.

But what about right now?  What am I doing this second?  I'm writing.  I am a "writer" because I am writing, not because the Art of Dramatic Writing or the Marshal Plan are collecting dust on my shelf.

So as of yesterday, I don't have as much shit.  The local charity does.  And hopefully I'm not just making room for different shit.  Hopefully I'll start looking at who I am and what I'm doing instead who I could be and what I'll do.