Thursday, February 17, 2011

Masturbation and time travel, or How can I possibly regret anything?

I have my childish fantasies.  One that crops up consistently is the back-in-time-change-things-for-the-better one where I find a wormhole at the bottom of my Corona that allows me to walk a bridge to my past.  Usually that bridge is to my college years.  I don't regret my college years at all.  I had a GREAT time.  The greatness, however, was transient.  I could have done things differently to allow for a longer, more steady influx of greatness.  The things that get me going now (knowledge acquisition and interpretation and Coronas) are not what got me going then (except the Coronas).  But since my daughter's birth, I always find a glitch in that fantasy.  I can't possibly go back in time because I didn't count how many times I masturbated.

Yes, time travel is an impossibility for me because of masturbation.

My daughter is by far and away the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  I would not do anything to risk not having her.  I don't just want a daughter, I want my daughter.  What if I went back in time and masturbated one more or one less time?  Prospects of my daughter would go down the drain (literally).

I enjoy where I am.  I enjoy my life.  I have very few complaints and, in the end, feel very lucky to be me.  So how many other things in my life are so exquisitely dependent on little, seemingly meaningless aspects of my past?  How can I have regrets when I am happy to be where and who I am?


2 comments:

  1. That is a bizarre and totally logical argument for not wanting to go back in time. I'd love to revisit my college days also. But I don't want to go back in time because in order to have my boys, I'd have to marry my first husband again. And I really don't want to relive that one more time.

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  2. Once confined to fantasy and science fiction, time travel is now simply an engineering problem.

    MICHIO KAKU, Wired Magazine, Aug. 2003

    I wonder if Kaku ever considered what will now be known as the "Masturbation Conundrum" of time travel?

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